This is Gospel, Marta
by SassySquirrel
Summary: The musings and thoughts of Ratatosk and Emil through out their journey together. Accompanied by the song 'This is Gospel' and 'Emperor's New Clothes' by Panic! At the Disco.
1. This is Gospel, Marta

**I don't own the Lyrics: This is Gospel By: PANIC! At the Disco**  
 **I don't own any Tos:DotNW Characters  
**

* * *

 _This is gospel for the fallen ones  
_ _Locked away in permanent slumber  
_ _Assembling their philosophies  
_ _From pieces of broken memories_

* * *

Ratatosk fell with a thud after being mortally wounded by Richter. A hiss leaving him after his form was consumed by the core, where he rested. His chamber of slumber. It frustrated him that he was here again. He spent over 4,000 years in permanent slumber, he didn't want to go back. Not After what those mortals had done to his tree. His tree that was left in decay. Fear and sadness gripped at his heart momentarily. What was going to happen to him now that he failed to protect the only thing he cared and loved. He had no other duty except for the gate. A gate that didn't need him. No one was stupid enough to want to open it, so what was his use anymore. Nothing. Not anymore at least. He couldn't continue without knowing, but his core left him trapped. Why did he anger Richter? Why did he kill Aster? Was it out of anger or sadness? Frustration? Why did he let his emotions get the better of him? If he had a form, he would be crying. No doubt about it. It was this trembling fear that ripped at his heart.

He spent a year like this. In fear and doubt. In sadness and guilt. A voice called to him, pleading for him to help them. Save them. No, he wasn't worthy. They should find someone else... but maybe if he helped them, his heart might be at ease. Maybe, if he gave back what he took, he could find peace with his unbalanced heart. He reached to help her, beckoning to her request. Burning sensation took over and he felt all that he knew being ripped away. It hurt, It hurt too much to bear but he tried to suck it up. Only to see light fade back into darkness. With all that was left being a broken heart made in two. Sadness and Fear was gone from his figure and all that was left was a confused anger and bitterness. A state of wanting to get back, but at what? He couldn't remember. What had happened to him? Who was he? He couldn't remember anything. Though he heard a name come down. Emil. Was he Emil? He wondered, but accepted the name nonetheless.

He laid there in silence for a long time just watching. He saw how this... other him kept getting beat up and yelled at. Torn down and made to be like nothing. He felt slightly guilty that he couldn't help him. Yet said nothing. It's not like they would hear him. Would they? Things started getting interesting when the other started going off and helping this... familiar red head. He couldn't place why but he knew them. For some reason his heart soared with anger just looking at the other, but he kept his mouth shut nonetheless. He sat up in surprise at this dog like monster. He knew it too, but from where? Where did he recognize them and why did he feel an over abundance of loyalty and trust in judgement. He was quickly whisked away during his thoughts. He felt like he was being pulled somewhere. Where though? A blink and a startled realization was that he was in control. He was no longer just observing. Which meant he wasn't just existing for no reason, he had a reason and he was going to try and learn what it was. He received a new name though. A name that brought a sense of insignificance in his heart. Ratatosk-Mode. He didn't like the name. He preferred the name Emil over some kind of mode for a name. He kept silent on it though.

* * *

 _Oh, this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart  
_ _The gnashing teeth and criminal tongues conspire against the odds  
_ _But they haven't seen the best of us yet  
_

* * *

Emil accepted the pact and felt a being inside of him become free. A new heart beating in freedom. It scared him at first but he was instantly calmed by the others Aura. He couldn't explain it but he felt like he could entrust the other with his heart and allow the other to fight their battles from now on. He couldn't. Fighting scared him, mostly because Uncle Alba always yelled at him and beat him up badly for just existing. He felt so insignificant. So worthless. He was so happy that this pact allowed him to breath easy during the battles. Watching, what was dubbed Ratatosk-Mode, do all the fighting and the banter, it made Emil kinda look forward to the battles now. The other seemed so powerful and so courageous. Like nothing could stop him. Well, Except for Lloyd. Lloyd plagued his nightmares. How could he kill his parents and all of those innocent people. If it wasn't for him, he would still be with them. His heart ached in sadness, but this sadness felt old. Very old. Emil never understood why his sadness and fear felt second nature, as if always being there, but sometimes he wondered if he was always prone to such sadness and timidness. Maybe he was nothing more than a coward.

He and Ratatosk-mode began traveling with Marta and little by little, Emil realized that Ratatosk-mode had a fowl mouth and very animal like personality. A loose canon. It scared him slightly but the other seemed to love Marta. Wanting to protect every ounce of her. Emil didn't know how he felt about Marta. He saw her as a friend, but did Ratatosk-mode see her as a friend? He didn't know. What he did know is that the other hated Richter. He wanted to know why. He's felt nothing but grateful that Richter helped him. Maybe he was foolish and the other was right. Every corner they turned, it seemed like Marta was throwing herself at him. Both of them. It was starting to become overbearing. He didn't know what to do about it. Maybe if he said nothing she would stop?

The enemies they met were becoming increasingly scary and dangerous. He now wanted more than anything to help Ratatosk-mode and fight alongside him. Maybe if they were together, they would be stronger? He wanted that so much. To be stronger and not the weakling that he is. Maybe he could fight alongside and show Richter and Lloyd that they have yet to see the best of them yet.

* * *

 _If you love me let me go_  
 _'Cause these words are knives that often leave scars_  
 _The fear of falling apart_  
 _And truth be told, I never was yours_  
 _The fear, the fear of falling apart  
_

* * *

Marta was unbearable. He had to protect her because that was his duty as 'Ratatosk-mode', Whatever in the hell that meant. One second she was trying to reel him in with actions and words and then the next second she was angry at him and wanted him gone. What was her deal anyway. Did she, or did she not need him? Ever since Emil got it through her head that they aren't who she's makes them out to be, she's been nothing but... a spaz. It now seemed like she wanted them for them now. No, wait. She wanted Emil. What did she see in such a wimp anyway?! Emil always called for him for fights, never did any of his own. Emil always called upon him when the idiot was scared or confused and it pissed him off. Why couldn't Emil just put up with something on his own?! He digressed. Marta was being a pain and he didn't want her to get the wrong idea. He didn't lover her. He just cared enough to protect her.

His thinking stopped when she slapped him and belted 'You're despicable'. Something inside of him felt crushed. Was it Emil? No, It couldn't be. It wasn't his heart was it? Whatever it was, it hurt. It reminded him of... an overbearing sadness that he tried getting rid of before. When did he try to get rid of it, and where did it go that he was able to hold it off until now? Why did those words hurt so much? Was he truly despicable? Sure he said those things about that woman but... He didn't mean it. He didn't want to seem like a fool was all. He didn't know how to react about that woman. Did that make him despicable? He felt his world crumbling a part inside of him and he didn't know how to make it stop. She wasn't listening to him. She didn't want him. So it's official. It has to be Emil. Why did he care? He didn't love her. He thought of her as a friend. Someone he had to protect. If he had to be honest, he never wanted to be hers but then. What did he want? Was he fighting with Emil over something as simple as wanting a friendship? Was he calling Emil weak because he... wanted Marta to be friends with him more than Emil? Has he finally sunken low enough yet.

* * *

 _Oh, this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart  
_ _This is gospel for the vagabonds,  
_ _Naturals and insufferable bastards  
_ _Confessing their apostasies  
_ _Led away by imperfect impostors_

* * *

Emil felt like he was wondering around. Like some homeless person. One second he was right there and then the next, shunned into darkness by his other self. Whenever he came back, the conversation was convoluted and he clearly missed a lot of important events. Everyone around him seemed to be on edge and tense, as if he was going to flip again. It worried him. He didn't want his friends to fear him, but what could he do to get his other self to stop hurting people. What has caused Ratatosk-mode to be so angry lately? It seemed like Ratatosk-mode swore more often and has lately been calling everyone a Bastard. Now that he thought about it, Marta got into a fight with his other self. Emil thought they resolved that though! That they were ok with each other again.

What had Emil at relief and at ease was knowing the truth. Lloyd didn't kill all of those innocent people. Decus did. However, Emil didn't know if he had the right to even care anymore. Emil is just... A figment of Ratatosk's imagination. Just a cover up for him. Ratatosk wasn't a mode like everyone had thought. It bothered him. Why did the other play along then, and why did they still have a grudge against Lloyd. Was it because Lloyd still had Lumen's core? But surely Lloyd had plans on giving it back though! Lloyd confessed everything that he was doing, so then... Why did Ratatosk reject it all.

Ratatosk threatened Lloyd and forcefully took back the core. That was it. If Emil was able to be just as worthy of the position as Summon Spirit as Ratatosk was, then he was going to do it. He was going to seal Ratatosk away. Then he could be the perfect imposter of Ratatosk and no one would be the wiser. He had a plan in mind. He was going to set everything straight with everyone. He was going to stop Richter and make Richter understand. Then stage an act to provoke the others into battle him and letting them win. He was going to seal the gate. He was going to make everything right through the act of sacrifice. He could do it. This is what he wanted for both sides of himself. To just set things right.

* * *

 _Oh, this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart  
_ _Don't try to sleep through the end of the world  
_ _Bury me alive  
_ _'Cause I won't give up without a fight_

* * *

Ratatosk was trapped in the back of the mind. Emil finally decided to stand on his own and this was the result. He mineswell sleep. It's not like he was coming out now. Verius made sure of that. A part of him rebelled against that thought. He was sick of sleeping, sick of being forced down and into a desperate emotion of turmoil. If he hadn't let his emotion taken over his judgement this wouldn't be happening. He wouldn't be trapped in this pitiful form, locked away had he not killed Aster. He wondered what fate would have in store if he killed Richter instead. Aster didn't seem like he could fight. Then again, Aster was a scientist. What fate would be in store if it happened? The question was more of a 'Why didn't he just agree to solve the problem and find a different means of coping?'

He watched Emil gain his courage and watched the other fight on with the hope of taking his place. He could laugh at Emil's plan. It was childish and selfish. Sacrifice everything because deep down, Emil was still afraid. Ratatosk wasn't going to sit idle then. He had a feeling that Emil will need his help to rest or order to mana and seal the gate without running away through the act of sacrifice. He doesnt care if Emil gets what he wants because going down without a fight didn't fit in Ratatosk's agenda.

* * *

 _If you love me let me go  
_ _'Cause these words are knives that often leave scars  
_ _The fear of falling apart  
_ _And truth be told, I never was yours  
_ _The fear, the fear of falling apart  
_

* * *

Emil defeated Richter, and everything was going according to plan. That was... Until Marta and Lloyd caught on to his little act. Fear gripped at him. They wanted him to live and do this. They never wanted to revert him to core. He truly was unfit for this, wasn't he? A sigh escapes him. Facing Ratatosk riled up his nerves and he swore he was going to feel sick, but kept it down because he had something he needed to do. Something he needed to prove. He was going to get Ratatosk to understand. He wanted that.

They agreed to help each other to the common goal, to seal the gate and make it so the world no longer needed mana or centurions. Even him. Everyone was saying their goodbyes and wishing him farewell. His heart hurt, watching his friends leave him here, but it needed to happen. He wasn't going to be alone anymore though. Richter was going to stay as well and help. Ratatosk called it punishment. He called it a round about way to have company. Marta's goodbye was the hardest. Why couldn't she just say goodbye? Why must she hurt his heart so? They weren't lovers, just friends, so... Why was she doing this to him. Did their journey mean nothing? She was going to be dead by the time he was done. A goodbye now is better than a goodbye never. Didn't she know that it hurts enough having to say goodbye? She left. She was gone. What was done is done. That was, until Ratatosk left the body and sent Emil back into the world. Shattering themselves away from eachother. What was he doing!? Didn't they need each other?

"Live out the rest of your mortal life, Emil."

* * *

 _Oh, the fear of falling apart_


	2. Ratatosk's New Clothes

So you might regard me as silly for continuing this, but I did so anyway. It's been a bit since I've read any of my old fanfic and this one was the most promising to pick back up after about a year of it sitting around collecting dust. And what better timing to! P!ATD creating the sequel song to 'This is Gospel' gives this piece life. I'm ending it on a cliffhanger though. Mostly because I might write the rest of this in my normal format. We'll see.  
I do not own 'Emperor's New Clothes'!

* * *

 _Welcome to the end of eras  
Ice has melted back to life  
Done my time and served my sentence  
Dress me up and watch me die_

* * *

Emil was now gone. Only he and Richter resided in this little makeshift purgatorial hell. The thought rolled over his mind with ease and made coping easier. They would stay here until Mana was fully gone and within that time, Richter would leave. They both could leave. Despite them being here together in this hell, it did nothing to satisfy Ratatosk's need of ridding loneliness. None at all. Richter never spoke much. 'Only spoke what was necessarily needed to be said'. It was annoyance, and he never wanted to ever succumb to the level of releasing his pent up emotions. They may be on better terms, but on any given day would Ratatosk prefer to be alone than be stuck with the red head.

Many long years of this lasted. Turmoil, no relief in sight. Two prisoners who hated each other locked up. However, it didn't last. Soon their time was up, they had served their sentence and could now leave. Richter to inevitably die one day, and Ratatosk.. Well he didn't know what he was going to do now that he was officially no needed anymore. Perhaps seek council with Origin and figure out his new purpose. He had long finished grieving. True the sadness would be with him forever, but he was able to sit with it better. Able to understand the emotion and let it be only an emotion to greet and let go. This was his second chance at life. He wasn't going to fuck it up this time.

* * *

 _If it feels good, tastes good  
It must be mine  
Dynasty decapitated  
You just might see a ghost tonight_

* * *

Life outside of the Ginnungagap felt like living again. For Richter it was a start of a new chapter in his life. Granted, everyone he knew was now long dead aside from Ratatosk. He started out simple. Traveling the world to get reacquainted. Many things have changed since he was out and about and in some ways, it slightly scared him. It wasn't anything he couldn't hand since change is a part of Nature's whimsical ways. There was one restaurant he frequented at often. The food was glorious there and he was always amused by the rumors that surrounded the place. One of them being that the head chef was supposedly a young boy who has worked there for over 500 years. The oxymoron of the rumor always made him curious. He at first thought it would be an elf or half elf but without their lives being supported by a Summon Spirit, they lived 1,000 years tops. Which meant this chef wouldn't be a young boy.

He wrapped up his travels and finally decided to settle in this town where the restaurant resided. It seemed like the head chef was quite popular since often would he hear girls fawn and mope about how they failed to attract the attention of the chef. Why he felt so compelled to learn about the head chef was beyond him. Perhaps the thousands of years stuck in the Ginnungagap with Ratatosk has made him go crazy and find peculiar interests. He didn't want to linger on why he was so interested. Perhaps it was a healthy growth to start developing interests. Goodness knows when the last time was that Richter actually allowed himself to enjoy anything for very long.

Building the courage he asked a group of upset females who it was they were trying to get the attention of. The girls looked to each other for a couple of seconds before coming to the same thought and giggling. Dragging Richter to an art store and pointing out a blonde who seemed to be picking out a sketchbook. Richter's jaw dropped slightly.

"Emil!?"

* * *

 _And if you don't know, now you know  
I'm taking back the crown  
I'm all dressed up and naked  
I see what's mine and take it  
The crown...  
So close I can taste it  
I see what's mine and take it_

* * *

Meeting with Origin proved to be not such a great idea, Ratatosk learned. Origin was pretty blunt and to the point. "Care for the New world Tree." What if Ratatosk didn't feel he could be responsible with that job. It was for the best if he didn't know what the tree's name was. Martel had every right to keep it from him before. He wasn't reliable. Not at all. Granted he had learned his lesson before, but now.. The world was different, filled with different ideas… ideologies, beliefs. So much has changed. He took a breath and exhaled and met with Martel. If anything, if Origin felt he was ready, then it was best to not dwell on it.

Meeting with her was nerve wracking. Which he felt weird acknowledging since he is the older spirit in the grand scheme of things, but she technically held higher authority to him. He was a failed tree spirit, where she was only but a young tree spirit. Thriving in a world that no longer required Mana. As expected though, she was not thrilled with the news he had to bring of what Origin said to do. She started bringing up all of the reasons why he was unfit for the job and he stood there just taking it. Despite all those years in the Ginnungagap. She wasn't going to give him a chance.

Mixed emotions of rage and unfairness. So she felt the same as him. That he was not to be trusted. Origin felt he could do it though, so did that not count for anything. And who was this young spirit to judge so harshly. He wasn't allowing her words to make his defeat in the matter. Words dumped out of him. Calling her hypocritical and just as flawed as he. It was true after all. Who just decides to seal him up without once asking how he felt about all this. Who just decides that he wasn't needed. How did she planned on helping the new world without control of the mana flow!? Her plan had so many holes and a brilliant example of how much she actually feared him. If she couldn't make coherent plans either and acted on instinct, perhaps they both weren't fit for guarding the tree! If this was how it was, then it's best if she sucked it up and held dual care of the tree with her.

* * *

 _Sycophants on velvet sofas  
Lavish mansions, vintage wine  
I am so much more than royal  
Snatch your chain and mace your eyes_

* * *

Emil had led a pretty wholesome life. Granted he spent a year in fret and worry about the permanent separation. However, after much coaxing and pep talks, he started relaxing more about it. Spent life with his friends and enjoyed every ounce of it. It was everything he wanted. He still felt guilty though, because he knew that the person who needed this more than him was Ratatosk. He felt that the other never got a true chance at life outside of the Ginnungagap. What was done, was done, and there wasn't anything Emil could do about it despite his feelings. The only thing that bugged Emil was that.. Despite being told 'Go live out the rest of your mortal life', Emil wasn't physically aging. At all. It really bothered him. All of his friends were getting older and soon it felt awkward to hang with them because he looked so much younger than all of them. It must be hard to hang out with someone who never ages. He also found that staying in one place for too long only drew attention to him as some kind of 'Ageless wonder'. It was hard to deal with.

Over time he grew into taking it in strides. He thought he finally came to terms with never aging but then his friends deaths came and hit him like a ton of bricks. Attending funerals was harder because Emil felt so terribly bad. He couldn't even begin to understand what getting old meant. There were many times he struggled to cope and even contemplated on forcing an end to his own life once his friends were all dead. However, It never failed. One wave of friends would come and go and he would be immersed with a new group of friends, helping them on journeys and being encouraged by them to never give up. To not stop walking. It was hard but soon he found that just because he couldn't die, doesn't mean he had to give up. He just had to find a new meaning. A new purpose to living.

After many years of helping the world stay alive for a few more years longer, he needed a break. Decided to take on cooking as a job, opened a restaurant and didn't let his non aging features bother him. In fact, it was thanks to those rumors that people came to the restaurant. He wasn't going to complain if it was a good business lure. His business became so well and booming that it soon became a spot of tourism and he had acquired much wealth and while many figured he would lavish himself in superficial things like fancy housing and fine wines, Emil wanted only a simple life. So he took on other hobbies while still running the restaurant. He took up Art as one of the casual hobbies which in turn then later led him to meeting with Richter. Hearing his name called out caused him to turn around. Figuring it was another group of girls but to see Richter.. He got out of the Ginnungagap. This meant they had succeeded. Richter was free to live out the rest of his life. Tears bubbled over his eyes in joy even if there was a pang of sadness that one day, Richter too will join the dead.

* * *

 _If it feels good, tastes good  
It must be mine  
Heroes always get remembered  
But you know legends never die_

* * *

Martel wouldn't budge. Wouldn't change her decision. Blasted woman always did seem off in her head. He wasn't going to tolerate this any longer.

"So then, Martel…" A proposition. A dare. A coin flip in assuming. Was Ratatosk's luck high? No, but he wasn't stupid. That much he knew. He was going to prove just how foolish Martel was. "If I guess the name of your tree, will you secede and allow dual care? Or will you wither and die from fear." Martel looked him hard in the eyes. Granted, he knew Lloyd was the one who gave the tree it's name, but that didn't mean he couldn't figure it out. No, He was certain he could. Lloyd was kind, and always respected people. If he pieced the events that had occurred together correctly, He knows exactly what Lloyd would choose.

After all, He is Ratatosk. Guardian of the Ginnungagap, Spirit of the old world tree, and Lord of all Monsters. Martel doubted he could guess the tree's name but the look of doubt on her face was enough for Ratatosk to understand. The moment he utters the Tree's true name, he too will have access to powers only tree spirits could gain while a tree was alive. And seeing how he was the stronger spirit of the two, he could easily force the tree to reject Martel as a tree spirit and force her into a lowly spirit status. After all, what tree spirit couldn't control their tree's mana output or even where the mana goes? A grin forming on his face.

"Lloyd would have named the tree that not only gives tribute to Mithos, but also to its current Spirit. The only thing linking the two siblings would be, not only family blood, but family name. The tree's name is Yggdrasil." Sure enough the power flowed and ebbed into him. The familiar feeling was a painful reminder but not a rejected one. The look of fear of Martel's face caused Ratatosk to grin wider. How dull of her to think that he couldn't overtake the tree.

* * *

 _Mortal kings are ruling castles  
Welcome to my world of fun  
Liars settle into sockets  
Flip the switch and watch them run_


End file.
